I'm starting to repeat myself, but Story Club is precious gift from one of the most kind and generous writers I've ever had the good fortune to encounter. Thank you, thank you, thank you, George!
And I'm thinking about that notion of accomplishment being "only meaningful within a certain fleeting context." For me, after any hard-sought accomplishment—there's the let down, that moment of anti-climax, the feeling of "what next?" and then...back to the anxiety, back to the worry, etc.—was it just a fluke? Is that all there is? Have I shot my wad?? But I think it's the willingness to push into that unknown that matters, not the end result. Whether or not I get lucky enough to "make it" (whatever that might look like) or not, isn't the point—the point is to stay in the process, keep learning, keep reading, keep writing.
For some reason, I'm thinking of a passage from the Tao Te Ching:
This club has made me feel awake again; everyone's posts have enriched my thoughts; and George, amidst so many gifts, thank you for being a model of kindness. I am grateful for getting to hitch alongside to this wonderful gang of mensches.
I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past 6 years, and it’s been lovely and fun - but also difficult and mine-numbingly boring at times.
My girls are in kindergarten and 2nd grade now… so both at school full time (!) and having that space to think, plus this wonderful place to share with all of you has really made me feel awake and back to myself for the first time in years.
SAHM here, too, to a now three year old. As much as I have loved and am grateful for my time at home with her, I've also found the experience isolating (and that was BEFORE the pandemic), and mind-numbingly boring as well. I don't think I've had an uninterrupted thought since she was born! That being said, my little one is starting preschool this year and as excited as I should be to get some time on my own again, mama's not ready for this (insert crying emoji)
That lack of uninterrupted thinking has to be one of the hardest things to adjust to when it comes to being a parent. I remember when my kids were babies/toddlers I would get jealous of the time my husband spent stuck in traffic because he was ALONE! And could think about anything! Ha.
I also used to daydream about a future day when they would both be in school so I could have some time to myself. Now I finally have that, and it IS nice, but I will be out running errands and see a mom with her toddlers or preschoolers and I miss having my little buddies with me.
So funny, because just yesterday I was stuck in traffic sans daughter and didn't mind it ONE BIT. I listened to the radio. Loud! OMD. Then "Everlong" (rest in peace, Taylor). And had many happy uninterrupted thoughts. It was glorious!
It's so good!! I remember loving that video and thinking Taylor was so cute in a dress. Can you believe it's almost 25 years old!? I remember buying the album based on my love for that song and not really feeling the rest of it (except for one song that has the lines "I felt like this on my way home/I pass boats and the Kingdome" ... Oh Kingdome! RIP to you, too!)
Ah, children: so difficult and so rewarding, often simultaneously. My little boy provides incredible inspiration and also lets me know how precious are those tiny slivers of free time, when they suddenly appear, before they evaporate.
I love this club because I love books and writers of books and blogs and letters and people who like to read and think about what they read. It’s so refreshing.
I have taken care of a few east coast writers when I was a hospice nurse in Boston. Interestingly, at the end of life, they never talked about their books.
Have a good break George and Everyone. For Easter I am off on a walking holiday to the Shetland and Orkney Isles.
I remember trying ( and failing) to finish my PhD. I was at a very respected colleagues funeral. She had written hundreds of papers, done research, taught, set up conferences etc. and in the eulogy what was discussed in detail was the amateur dramatic group she was in, her motor biking holidays, and the tennis club. Very little was made of all the academic work. As I drove home that night I mentally recalibrated myself as a person who loved people and was kind. All the rest didn’t really matter. As Raymond Carver said Did you get what you wanted from this life? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth…….
Thank you so much for your generosity, wit, and incisive points of view. Fear of death and taxes focuses the mind! Possibly books and stories are not quite as important as children and friends and lovers, but they help to remind us what is worthy of our attention. (Love of language; languages of love.)
Much gratitude to you, and to everyone in the Story Club. All of you have invited me to think and feel more deeply lately, and I am overjoyed about that.
“meaningful only within a certain fleeting context." Always good to have some perspective. But George! It's all we've got! (Duh.) I, for one, am super happy you're alive during the same fleeting earthly context as me. That "empty, frenetic activity" you mention--well, when Leonard Cohen asked "what was all that about?" I think he eventually found an answer. (Hineni. Here I am.)
I am all for a break! Honestly, I don't know how you keep up with all of this, but I'm glad that you do. We are all the better for it. And this group--so many great compassionate people here. Sometimes I just peruse the comments for good company. You can't always say that about the comments section!
Anyway, everyone else said it better, but still: Congratulations on this new work, we are all ready for it!
Your description of being inside a process that is in some way empty in itself, and continually holds new work and lets go of the old work, reminded me of the Buddhist idea (I am a dilettante here so apologies if I am distorting) of ālya-vijñāna, "the abode of consciousness." As I understand it, it's the sort of empty-mind-place or -state, in which your thoughts and feelings -- desirable or undesirable ones - find their location. I am an editor more than a writer, so I feel great about understanding my work as constructing an editorial and production process that can kind of hold writers - help them build their own little interior locations for the creative work to unfold it. Thanks for these images (and for so many others) - super valuable to me.
George, you must be incredibly organized because you seem to be able to juggle so many things at once! And I bet you only require five or six hours sleep or less! I can’t wait to read the new collection! I’m only a reader, but I love being a member of this club, a club with so many brilliant, creative artists! I’m still blown away that I’m reading and learning about Cossacks while CNN’s news plays in the living room. And I keep thinking about Babel’s final hours...
You are 'only a reader' until you find yourself, maybe to you surprise, reading your words 'I am become a writer'. Perhaps Sue, perhaps not, but don't bar the door to your writing potential.
I really appreciate this, George. Feels like you're reading my mind. I have so loved this club and am keeping up with all your posts, but haven't been sharing as much because: I'm teaching several classes and prepping for the last few weeks since I'm changing so much (because of this Story Club, as it's given me a plethora of ideas and new stuff to try), and I'm also working on a second book project that is rapidly taking shape. I get how much time, energy, tension this all causes, but am doing my best. Love this space we've all created, and I'm right (or write) with you. Oh, sorry. Puns were never my strong suit....
My approach and process have shifted as well with Story Club. Everyone picks up on different things that I've never considered when I read. With George's guidance and Story Club support, I feel like I'm walking in the forest with my dad. He will point out animals and plants that I would have walked right past.
When we deliberately go through the stories in Story Club I slowly figure out how and where to look to fine tune my skills.
So true, Sima! I've been having the same experience, and I've always considered myself such a careful, close reader. I love that we're learning so many new strategies, tools, asking great questions, and more than anything, I love how "un-academic" this all feels. I think students do better when they are engaged and really connected to what we're reading, and so I've been "stealing" (but all teachers do this...) some of George's ideas and have already gotten a fantastic response. I also posted "The Stone Boy" for my week 8 piece (we have 11 week quarters and I have a story every week, but maybe I should slow them down further?)
It's the first time I'm offering it, though, so I'm really excited to see how they like it. I thought it was one of the most gorgeous stories I've ever read.
Even your "breaks" are worthwhile, not that it's always necessary to make them so. Your talk of the dissatisfaction inherent in the writing process means I can't help but share this quote:
“I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly: ‘There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. As for you, Agnes, you have a peculiar and unusual gift, and you have so far used about one-third of your talent.’
‘But,’ I said, ‘when I see my work I take for granted what other people value in it. I see only its ineptitude, inorganic flaws, and crudities. I am not pleased or satisfied.’
‘No artist is pleased.’
‘But then there is no satisfaction?’
‘No satisfaction whatever at any time,’ she cried out passionately. ‘There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.’”
-Agnes de Mille, Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham
Perhaps there's an emptiness to it, but I think all that really means is that we don't do the work in order to "create great works of art" in the sense of a finished product with a finished meaning - we do the work because it's what that life-force is telling us to do.
And that life-force can tell us to do all sorts of things. That's why it's called the life-force: it's life...“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday.” (The Good Place)
Thank you, Zoe. That Martha Graham conversation sounds a lot like the Tao quote from Patti, above. Another lovely way of saying it. “A blessed unrest.” Divine dissatisfaction, indeed.
Spending time in your company with My First Goose has opened the door to the whole of Red Cavalry... I had tried once before but been bewildered. Since working together on MFG I have been able to read and understand the stories a little better, myself a little better, and the world a little better.
Describes a real scene, as seen and heard of through out digital devices, somewhat in the style of embedded journalists who are aware that the images and words of their reports are - in the particular case of this 'Special Military Operation', so called by President Putin; 'Illegal War of Invasion', surely by any Reasonable Other - going to primary source materials in certainly investigating Russian (and, where prima facie evidence exists, possibly Ukrainian) War Crimes.
An end line that turns from deadpan description to twist for emotional impact via that imagined moment in which the so sad, seemingly anthropomorphised, crows are caught calling and chorusing the damning truth about War.
What of redrafting as a piece written in the first person Graeme, consciously exploring the mindset of a contemporary unnamed narrator, adopting something of the persona of Isaac Babel? Might this be a way to get further 'under the skin' and closer to 'heart of the matter' of where Babel's 'My First Goose' comes to us down the vista of years: could there be scope to mix in something of the romanticism and lyricism of Babel into your own revised word selections, phrasing making linkage between the broken streets of the Bucha of our world today and the broken synagogues of which Babel writes in 'The Road to Brody' a century ago?
A suggestion to you Graeme and also a thought penned with self and others in mind. I read recently . . .
'Babel did not write for easy reading. He himself has stated that the literary work of art necessarily reflect's one man's view of the world, and Babel was a complex man. Impressive as his stories (my words: not least 'My First Goose') are on the surface, there is much more than surface to a Babel story' Myra Alloway Salisbury, June 1920.
. . . and find these words to ring true, just as it is true that I find the ways we are exploring Babel's ways of writing so richly reward. I really enjoy the piece you've posted above Graeme. Thank you.
There is much to work with there. I am thinking about the film about the Polish-Jewish piano player who returns to where he had once lived in Warsaw, near the end of The Second World War. In a long sequence he walks through block after block of bombed-out rubble. No words are spoken, but you can see everything in his face as he journeys through what was once his vibrant, joy-filled, living home, now the graveyard of people, dogs, and dreams. (I want to say Adrian Brody is the actor.) (The Pianist?)
I'm starting to repeat myself, but Story Club is precious gift from one of the most kind and generous writers I've ever had the good fortune to encounter. Thank you, thank you, thank you, George!
And I'm thinking about that notion of accomplishment being "only meaningful within a certain fleeting context." For me, after any hard-sought accomplishment—there's the let down, that moment of anti-climax, the feeling of "what next?" and then...back to the anxiety, back to the worry, etc.—was it just a fluke? Is that all there is? Have I shot my wad?? But I think it's the willingness to push into that unknown that matters, not the end result. Whether or not I get lucky enough to "make it" (whatever that might look like) or not, isn't the point—the point is to stay in the process, keep learning, keep reading, keep writing.
For some reason, I'm thinking of a passage from the Tao Te Ching:
Fill your bowl to the brim
and it will spill.
Keep sharpening your knife
and it will blunt.
Chase after money and security
and your heart will never unclench.
Care about people's approval
and you will be their prisoner.
Do your work, then step back.
The only path to serenity.
Beautiful.
Love that! Going on my wall. 🙏
This is such a gift, Patti. So perfect. Sharing with everyone I can. Thank you for sharing this.
This is amazing. Thank you!
Patti! That’s so true and so beautiful. The Tao, so many gems of light!
Love this. Thank you so much.
Well put. Love this.
I love this.
Yes, stay in the process.
This club has made me feel awake again; everyone's posts have enriched my thoughts; and George, amidst so many gifts, thank you for being a model of kindness. I am grateful for getting to hitch alongside to this wonderful gang of mensches.
Gang of Mensches. It’s got to be our band name.
I love it!
Awake again! Such a good way to put it.
I have been a stay-at-home mom for the past 6 years, and it’s been lovely and fun - but also difficult and mine-numbingly boring at times.
My girls are in kindergarten and 2nd grade now… so both at school full time (!) and having that space to think, plus this wonderful place to share with all of you has really made me feel awake and back to myself for the first time in years.
It feels great!
Glad you spent the time with your kids. So the rest of us-- the world I mean -- get to have young people coming up with thoughtful parents.
So looking forward to the younger (saner?) generations!
SAHM here, too, to a now three year old. As much as I have loved and am grateful for my time at home with her, I've also found the experience isolating (and that was BEFORE the pandemic), and mind-numbingly boring as well. I don't think I've had an uninterrupted thought since she was born! That being said, my little one is starting preschool this year and as excited as I should be to get some time on my own again, mama's not ready for this (insert crying emoji)
That lack of uninterrupted thinking has to be one of the hardest things to adjust to when it comes to being a parent. I remember when my kids were babies/toddlers I would get jealous of the time my husband spent stuck in traffic because he was ALONE! And could think about anything! Ha.
I also used to daydream about a future day when they would both be in school so I could have some time to myself. Now I finally have that, and it IS nice, but I will be out running errands and see a mom with her toddlers or preschoolers and I miss having my little buddies with me.
So funny, because just yesterday I was stuck in traffic sans daughter and didn't mind it ONE BIT. I listened to the radio. Loud! OMD. Then "Everlong" (rest in peace, Taylor). And had many happy uninterrupted thoughts. It was glorious!
I have somehow never listened to very much Foo Fighters stuff... BUT I LOVE THAT SONG. It definitely needs to be played loud - sans kids.
It's so good!! I remember loving that video and thinking Taylor was so cute in a dress. Can you believe it's almost 25 years old!? I remember buying the album based on my love for that song and not really feeling the rest of it (except for one song that has the lines "I felt like this on my way home/I pass boats and the Kingdome" ... Oh Kingdome! RIP to you, too!)
Those poignant moments. Our son started preschool in October. Milestone of gratitude, sadness and awe. He loved it from Moment One.
I'm so happy to hear this, David! Hoping my daughter loves it as well. And yes, such a milestone. I tear up just thinking about it!
Ah, children: so difficult and so rewarding, often simultaneously. My little boy provides incredible inspiration and also lets me know how precious are those tiny slivers of free time, when they suddenly appear, before they evaporate.
I love this club because I love books and writers of books and blogs and letters and people who like to read and think about what they read. It’s so refreshing.
I have taken care of a few east coast writers when I was a hospice nurse in Boston. Interestingly, at the end of life, they never talked about their books.
Have a good break George and Everyone. For Easter I am off on a walking holiday to the Shetland and Orkney Isles.
I remember trying ( and failing) to finish my PhD. I was at a very respected colleagues funeral. She had written hundreds of papers, done research, taught, set up conferences etc. and in the eulogy what was discussed in detail was the amateur dramatic group she was in, her motor biking holidays, and the tennis club. Very little was made of all the academic work. As I drove home that night I mentally recalibrated myself as a person who loved people and was kind. All the rest didn’t really matter. As Raymond Carver said Did you get what you wanted from this life? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth…….
You’re giving me chills, which I am relishing.
Thank you so much for your generosity, wit, and incisive points of view. Fear of death and taxes focuses the mind! Possibly books and stories are not quite as important as children and friends and lovers, but they help to remind us what is worthy of our attention. (Love of language; languages of love.)
Much gratitude to you, and to everyone in the Story Club. All of you have invited me to think and feel more deeply lately, and I am overjoyed about that.
“meaningful only within a certain fleeting context." Always good to have some perspective. But George! It's all we've got! (Duh.) I, for one, am super happy you're alive during the same fleeting earthly context as me. That "empty, frenetic activity" you mention--well, when Leonard Cohen asked "what was all that about?" I think he eventually found an answer. (Hineni. Here I am.)
Treaty reprise still makes me cry. Hineni and his reply so so final.
i hear you. So intense.
I am all for a break! Honestly, I don't know how you keep up with all of this, but I'm glad that you do. We are all the better for it. And this group--so many great compassionate people here. Sometimes I just peruse the comments for good company. You can't always say that about the comments section!
Anyway, everyone else said it better, but still: Congratulations on this new work, we are all ready for it!
The more you share your experience as a writer, the more kinship I feel. I feel and think like a writer even if I’m not as successful in publishing.
Your description of being inside a process that is in some way empty in itself, and continually holds new work and lets go of the old work, reminded me of the Buddhist idea (I am a dilettante here so apologies if I am distorting) of ālya-vijñāna, "the abode of consciousness." As I understand it, it's the sort of empty-mind-place or -state, in which your thoughts and feelings -- desirable or undesirable ones - find their location. I am an editor more than a writer, so I feel great about understanding my work as constructing an editorial and production process that can kind of hold writers - help them build their own little interior locations for the creative work to unfold it. Thanks for these images (and for so many others) - super valuable to me.
Elisheva, thanks for this: [as an editor] I help them build their own little interior locations for the creative work to unfold it.
Thank you: so Zen!
George, you must be incredibly organized because you seem to be able to juggle so many things at once! And I bet you only require five or six hours sleep or less! I can’t wait to read the new collection! I’m only a reader, but I love being a member of this club, a club with so many brilliant, creative artists! I’m still blown away that I’m reading and learning about Cossacks while CNN’s news plays in the living room. And I keep thinking about Babel’s final hours...
You are 'only a reader' until you find yourself, maybe to you surprise, reading your words 'I am become a writer'. Perhaps Sue, perhaps not, but don't bar the door to your writing potential.
I really appreciate this, George. Feels like you're reading my mind. I have so loved this club and am keeping up with all your posts, but haven't been sharing as much because: I'm teaching several classes and prepping for the last few weeks since I'm changing so much (because of this Story Club, as it's given me a plethora of ideas and new stuff to try), and I'm also working on a second book project that is rapidly taking shape. I get how much time, energy, tension this all causes, but am doing my best. Love this space we've all created, and I'm right (or write) with you. Oh, sorry. Puns were never my strong suit....
My approach and process have shifted as well with Story Club. Everyone picks up on different things that I've never considered when I read. With George's guidance and Story Club support, I feel like I'm walking in the forest with my dad. He will point out animals and plants that I would have walked right past.
When we deliberately go through the stories in Story Club I slowly figure out how and where to look to fine tune my skills.
So true, Sima! I've been having the same experience, and I've always considered myself such a careful, close reader. I love that we're learning so many new strategies, tools, asking great questions, and more than anything, I love how "un-academic" this all feels. I think students do better when they are engaged and really connected to what we're reading, and so I've been "stealing" (but all teachers do this...) some of George's ideas and have already gotten a fantastic response. I also posted "The Stone Boy" for my week 8 piece (we have 11 week quarters and I have a story every week, but maybe I should slow them down further?)
It's the first time I'm offering it, though, so I'm really excited to see how they like it. I thought it was one of the most gorgeous stories I've ever read.
^..^
Uncredited in photo: blackwing pencils.
The best!
I love those pencils!
Me too - an obsession.
Congratulations :)
Even your "breaks" are worthwhile, not that it's always necessary to make them so. Your talk of the dissatisfaction inherent in the writing process means I can't help but share this quote:
“I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be. Martha said to me, very quietly: ‘There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open. As for you, Agnes, you have a peculiar and unusual gift, and you have so far used about one-third of your talent.’
‘But,’ I said, ‘when I see my work I take for granted what other people value in it. I see only its ineptitude, inorganic flaws, and crudities. I am not pleased or satisfied.’
‘No artist is pleased.’
‘But then there is no satisfaction?’
‘No satisfaction whatever at any time,’ she cried out passionately. ‘There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others.’”
-Agnes de Mille, Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham
Perhaps there's an emptiness to it, but I think all that really means is that we don't do the work in order to "create great works of art" in the sense of a finished product with a finished meaning - we do the work because it's what that life-force is telling us to do.
And that life-force can tell us to do all sorts of things. That's why it's called the life-force: it's life...“What matters isn’t if people are good or bad. What matters is if they’re trying to be better today than they were yesterday.” (The Good Place)
such fantastic quotes, both of them. Thank you. (I'm a huge fan of The Good Place.)
Thank you, Zoe. That Martha Graham conversation sounds a lot like the Tao quote from Patti, above. Another lovely way of saying it. “A blessed unrest.” Divine dissatisfaction, indeed.
Thank you for the anxiety-reducing reminder that there’s no expectation to “catch up.” Even though I have aspirations to do so!
Spending time in your company with My First Goose has opened the door to the whole of Red Cavalry... I had tried once before but been bewildered. Since working together on MFG I have been able to read and understand the stories a little better, myself a little better, and the world a little better.
That is no small gift.
Spring Arrives
It was a peaceful morning in Bucha.
The heavy snow of earlier in the week, had melted away revealing the brown mud of the road and the many dead bodies randomly strewn in the open.
One was by his fallen bike,some were burned, some missed limbs, still others crushed flat by retreating tanks.
Many others had a single bullet hole in the back of their heads.
The sounds of war and all it's deadly equipment were gone, except for all the burnt out and destroyed tanks and shattered homes.
A solitary black dog wandered slowly through a near bye yard, head down nervous, he disappeared around the corner and was gone.
The crows were calling from above in the broken trees.
They seem to sadly say; War always destroys it never gives.
Poignant.
Describes a real scene, as seen and heard of through out digital devices, somewhat in the style of embedded journalists who are aware that the images and words of their reports are - in the particular case of this 'Special Military Operation', so called by President Putin; 'Illegal War of Invasion', surely by any Reasonable Other - going to primary source materials in certainly investigating Russian (and, where prima facie evidence exists, possibly Ukrainian) War Crimes.
An end line that turns from deadpan description to twist for emotional impact via that imagined moment in which the so sad, seemingly anthropomorphised, crows are caught calling and chorusing the damning truth about War.
What of redrafting as a piece written in the first person Graeme, consciously exploring the mindset of a contemporary unnamed narrator, adopting something of the persona of Isaac Babel? Might this be a way to get further 'under the skin' and closer to 'heart of the matter' of where Babel's 'My First Goose' comes to us down the vista of years: could there be scope to mix in something of the romanticism and lyricism of Babel into your own revised word selections, phrasing making linkage between the broken streets of the Bucha of our world today and the broken synagogues of which Babel writes in 'The Road to Brody' a century ago?
A suggestion to you Graeme and also a thought penned with self and others in mind. I read recently . . .
'Babel did not write for easy reading. He himself has stated that the literary work of art necessarily reflect's one man's view of the world, and Babel was a complex man. Impressive as his stories (my words: not least 'My First Goose') are on the surface, there is much more than surface to a Babel story' Myra Alloway Salisbury, June 1920.
. . . and find these words to ring true, just as it is true that I find the ways we are exploring Babel's ways of writing so richly reward. I really enjoy the piece you've posted above Graeme. Thank you.
Thank you for the many insights and ideas. The Master needs a break so..I thought to share. You see and think deeply^^ I think the crows are Babel.
There is much to work with there. I am thinking about the film about the Polish-Jewish piano player who returns to where he had once lived in Warsaw, near the end of The Second World War. In a long sequence he walks through block after block of bombed-out rubble. No words are spoken, but you can see everything in his face as he journeys through what was once his vibrant, joy-filled, living home, now the graveyard of people, dogs, and dreams. (I want to say Adrian Brody is the actor.) (The Pianist?)
Saw that movie.indeed the same visual feeling^^ Utter despair
Yes. In packing my multitude of books last night I saw that to my surprise I have the memoir upon which it’s based. Hoping to read it soon.
Wow. Looking at what’s going on. I can see the black dog, hear the black calling crows.
TX Sylvia...a verbal sketch from a terrible visual^^