When I became a father I felt for the first time that it didn't so much matter whether my life attained any objective glory, by which identifiably provably unarguably best-ness; I'd always strived to prove that this book was better, that film more meaningful, that purpose more lofty...
When I became a father I felt for the first time that it didn't so much matter whether my life attained any objective glory, by which identifiably provably unarguably best-ness; I'd always strived to prove that this book was better, that film more meaningful, that purpose more lofty...
What I came to feel mattered for me was a small, specific subjective item of wonder: in this case love for child and partner. I didn't have to prove (to myself or the world) that it was the best or most profound experience, just had to feel it and recognise that it mattered to me and that was enough.
Perhaps I should have known this anyway. Perhaps it was just me growing up a bit, which I should have achieved long before.
And it brought with it harm... I was blinded by my own subjective specific experience of wonder to the pain and fear felt by my partner.
I hadn't finished growing (and never will, I guess). These events happened, and I am learning from them much slower than I should or could, but I hope it has brought some measure of humility and compassion.
If that filters bit by bit into my work, then I would gladly accept that over having more time and energy.
Of course, you or anyone may be able to learn without becoming a parent... that's not the thing. I guess it's just SOMETHING that can open you up to, let's call it humanity. Maybe you're already further down that path than you realise.
This post invites happy reflections…thank you for mentioning your partner’s pain and fear. I also completely missed that, in the beginning…it’s all very mysterious and captivating, even when we think we might be going mad.
Thank you so much for this. I totally understand and feel the need for the objective glory but I'm hoping that will change. Thanks for the mention of your partner's pain. That's something I'll keep in mind.
Can I offer personal testimony...
When I became a father I felt for the first time that it didn't so much matter whether my life attained any objective glory, by which identifiably provably unarguably best-ness; I'd always strived to prove that this book was better, that film more meaningful, that purpose more lofty...
What I came to feel mattered for me was a small, specific subjective item of wonder: in this case love for child and partner. I didn't have to prove (to myself or the world) that it was the best or most profound experience, just had to feel it and recognise that it mattered to me and that was enough.
Perhaps I should have known this anyway. Perhaps it was just me growing up a bit, which I should have achieved long before.
And it brought with it harm... I was blinded by my own subjective specific experience of wonder to the pain and fear felt by my partner.
I hadn't finished growing (and never will, I guess). These events happened, and I am learning from them much slower than I should or could, but I hope it has brought some measure of humility and compassion.
If that filters bit by bit into my work, then I would gladly accept that over having more time and energy.
Of course, you or anyone may be able to learn without becoming a parent... that's not the thing. I guess it's just SOMETHING that can open you up to, let's call it humanity. Maybe you're already further down that path than you realise.
This post invites happy reflections…thank you for mentioning your partner’s pain and fear. I also completely missed that, in the beginning…it’s all very mysterious and captivating, even when we think we might be going mad.
Thank you so much for this. I totally understand and feel the need for the objective glory but I'm hoping that will change. Thanks for the mention of your partner's pain. That's something I'll keep in mind.