Thanks so much for this George. I had not seen it. This is written in my favorite voice of yours - the honest, self-reflective voice of someone wise who accepts their failings and their successes with equal grace and who knows that sharing that with others forges connection and makes the world empathetic. I call it your Story Club Voice. I know it is more than that and older than that, but for me, it's SC all the way....
Thanks for this. It brought back my own years as a technical writer during roughly the same era.
I was fresh out of the creative writing M.A. at B.U., and flat broke with a bad back. I took a job at Digital Equipment Corporation in a glass-and-steel building that stood on a hill overlooking a collection of new condos and apartment buildings that had sprung up around it like medieval castle towns. I didn't live in one -- I commuted from Cambridge 41 miles each way on a company van -- because I had convinced myself this was temporary work, just until I got back on my feet. But tech writing so deadened and depressed me that I stayed with it, though not at Digital, for a decade before I achieved escape velocity.
I noticed other writers who were doing what you did, getting their real work done on company time, but I never managed it myself.
I also appreciated your thoughts about literary mountains. Forty years later, I find myself still alternating between trying to climb them and playing in my own dung heap.
I don't know if it will help, but here in my seventies, I think of writing, and other endeavors, as ongoing learning processes. Opportunities to evolve, to learn, to explore. Of course if you are trying to make a living writing, then you are dealing with the marketing aspect, and the opinion of editors, readers, and fellow writers. But apart from that, as a writer, you are creating something that is uniquely yours. It's important. It doesn't need to be graded or judged by the world, and you have endless opportunities to revise, or put in a drawer and create something new again. I find it selfishly exciting to see what comes from my mind and onto the paper (computer). But still, I procrastinate and think I will hate to write. And that I'm not good at it. But then I sit down and do it, and it feels okay and necessary. It also helps to have a snack I enjoy to get me to actually get writing-lol.
I take Tai Chi; learning that form is never a finished thing. It's an ongoing practice. I get better at understanding the form and the body. But when doing it with others, I am thinking, 'I'm better at this than them.' Or 'that person is better at Tai Chi than me.' So I try to get past those thoughts and stick with my own experience. And observe others without judgment. A student once asked "Who does the best Tai Chi?" A teacher answered "The person who gets the most benefit from it."
Right on. I thought this question was such a good pairing with Bobbie Louise Hawkins, who had been so discouraged by her husband, the writer. He told her that she was too old, if she was going to be a writer, she'd be one by now, that he didn't want a wife who wanted to write. But she did it, she wrote, and now I know her name but can't think of his.
Hmmm. Not sure if perfection or producing something monumental is the questioner's goal (though wanting to write something "great" seems fair enough). I think their problem is more of an internal one--their writing production isn't matching up with their hopes. They just want to be a better writer and that makes sense to me.
What relief, that moment when the sturdy ching of realisation dropped, to get to know that just as she was 'Jo' he was 'Joe'. Phew! What a 'Get Out of Jail Card' to have played right into your hand... or was it your left hand?
Just riffing TNW... often having found myself reflecting on what a sister, Frances, might have been like... as gently loving and giving as my brother Francis or a self-centred hell raising go getter at all costs?
I must chime in and say my experience with writing (and I'm in my late sixties) is also one of enjoyment and necessity. I feel compelled to do it. Whether anyone will ever feel compelled to read it or continue reading it once they've started it is a question yet to be answered. As one of my instructors reminded us towards the end of the MFA program I completed last spring-"no one is waiting for your book." It was a cold cup of water thrown in our faces and it was meant to be. I thought at the time, and still do, this is not entirely true. I am waiting for my book or collection of essays or whatever my project will turn out to be. Do I wish to be published to an avalanche of glowing reviews and public readings that generate fulsome applause? Of course I do, who doesn't? But for now I simply try to sit in the chair each day and produce the best set of sentences I can in that moment without thinking too much about what will come of it. So Depressed Writer- you're one up on me- you've been published!! And if you're the president of the Mediocre Writers Club then I'm the back up recording secretary and club historian- and happy to do it.
I’ve made a similar discovery--not tai-chi though. I’ve taken up playing the Shakuhachi (Japanese flute) because it takes a lifetime of study and practice to have some command of the music, its said to be one of the most difficult instruments to play, I have no musical background, can’t read Western music scores, can’t read Japanese music scores (though I’m learning as I have no choice in the matter), etc., etc. The whole endeavor is so beyond me in every way and it is a total relief. I can fail at this over and over everyday! I’ve put myself under so much pressure for years with the writing--I must be good, talented, amazing, timely, structured in my routine, on and on and on. But with the Shakuhachi all I have to do is practice for 45 minutes everyday and never be good at it. And there will never be any judgement from anyone. It has such a unique sound that no one on this side of the planet can really tell whether or not the music is being played well (including me!) There are standards met by professionals--true, very true, I mean no disrespect--but for me its like joining the community of Who-ville. Joyful. Innocent. Unique.
I know this sounds a bit strange. I stumbled upon it--I had no plan. I hadn’t put it together that I needed to fail at something big time. But now that I have its intoxicating! My writing life seems like (to me) a long timeline of failure and personal reproach and, and, and, and, etc. Last year I thought I really had to have a win with something or I was going to finally be crushed then pulverized then tossed into the wind along with the sands of time. So really I had no plan to fail at something (and yet failing has been going rather well these last four months).
So anyway I recommend exploring this sort of goal except in some cases like DO NOT decide to learn how to fly a plane with the intention to fail.
And no I haven’t been writing better or more. ‘Befuddled’ is the only word I can use to describe how I approach the writing at this moment--befuddlement and stasis. Its like I’ve completely disrupted serious self plus all the other s/elfs inside. All I can say for sure is that I keep on thinking that I have to write about this! Ha! In the end (or sooner or later) isn’t this what we writers always do? Always the same ‘I have to write about this’ poison/really cool way to be in the world. And I know I will make an attempt to do so and will copy/paste this scrap of thought written here to poke at later (thank you very much for the exploration your question has caused for me.)
You are definitely not alone. You stand amongst the Multitudes (a good sort of people though they tend to shift around with heads down, shoulder to shoulder, in large groups, mumbling).
"I can fail at this over and over everyday!" I love how joyful you make this sound. Of course, failure is on the opposite end from success on the judgment continuum. It would be great if there were no thoughts whatsoever...maybe? I'm someone who judges everything I do, so I'm not sure of what I'm even saying here. But I do love your love affair with what you are calling failure and what I'd call having a lovely time. "All I have to do is practice for 45 minutes everyday and never be good at it"--this cracked me up. The goal, it seems, is to just be in the moment and enjoy yourself. I tell myself every single day to spend my days that way, but i often......fail. Thanks for your post. Loved reading it.
That is so interesting about the Shakuhachi and about continually failing as you actually probably get better at it, and the relief of it all, the failing. I hadn't thought about it in connection with all this until now, but my father, an english professor, wrote a book about Faulkner called "Quest for Failure'. I've never been able to read that particular book of his- others he wrote were more accessible. But now I'm curious about it and why that title and maybe I'll try to read it again.
Sounds like an interesting book. I’ll have to find it to read myself.
Its all new--this failing project. I’m trying to write about it on my Substack. One way I’m doing this is to take a look at a short story I never finished. I’ve already published the bits I did finish writing so my next move is to start exploring the ‘why I didn’t finish.’ So far a lot of false starts as I try to explain it. I’ve been surprised that there is so much there to look at--overwhelming actually. And now that I’ve explored a bit about failure here I think I have a better grasp of how to proceed there (I love story club.)
Of course as I write about the failure I’m giving most of what happens in the story away. Oh well. Yet in the end this exploration may lead to finishing it. Maybe? We’ll see. I’ll figure it out as I go along.
Hello Depressed Writer (I’m on the same ((blank)) page) and George.
I apologise for linking to something I made- but I wrote this very short film when I felt like you do now. I’d like to say it changed my life and suddenly everyone realised I was a genius.
It didn’t.
But it might make you feel less alone.
The Stick (The Screenwriter's Revenge)
A screenwriter sets out to write a story so boring it has the power to kill.
Emma!!!!! I was so depressed over all the things the depressed writer is depressed about, and your film made me laugh and feel better! It's hilarious! Clever! Perfect! You're a fucking genius. Thank you for posting the link.
Thank you, Depressed Writer, for expressing my Give Up Because What's the Point When You Hate the Whole Idea of Story Not to Mention Novel And You're Too Old To Outwit Those Demons You've Only Ouwitted Once on Not A Novel and Briefly Fell in Love With Yourself Just to Wind Up Back Where You Started. And George, I'm about to read your advice again. Thank you.
When I was in school I had a job in the print shop. My job was to do a survey for Xerox, find out how many copies people were making. But when no one was Xeroxing, I could do other things. One day the print shop lady saw me practicing italic calligraphy, like this:
She must have liked it because, unbeknownst to me, she went to the bookstore and bought herself some ink and a nib holder, but she bought the wrong kind of nib, like this:
With the tools she had, it was *impossible* for her to make italic letters. And when she asked me what was wrong, I told her, oh, you need a different kind of pen nib. But for however many days she was *trying* to make letters with the wrong nib, she was probably thinking, Wow, I am really bad at this.
So: thanks, George, for giving us a hint about maybe seeing if our mindset or method need a change, and thanks, Depressed Writer, for daring to ask your question, which as you can see, many of us identify with!
Yes. You need the right tools. When I was an artist in residence, teaching in grade schools, I noticed the scissors in the classrooms were so bad, the kids thought they couldn't make anything. I bought a bunch of good scissors and always brought them with me. That solved that problem. The kids made shadow puppets, we wrote the script together, and the kids performed for their parents, and everyone was great.
Joan, I'll bet almost no one knew you spent your own money on those scissors, but it sounds like that really changed the kids' experience from "I'm no good at this" to "Look what I made!"
For years I was an artist. My mother was an artist, and I knew how important the right tools were, so I felt really bad for kids who thought they couldn't make something when it was the tool that was the problem. Just the same as the woman who thought she couldn't write calligraphy because she didn't know it was the wrong nib. So, yes, we need to find the tools and the methods that best suit us.
Fellow calligrapher here, Justin, and just want to say I've never used those nibs! It's a rarefied realm of people who even know of these very weirdo implements; I have no idea what realm of humanity uses them. I got lazy and just use Callipens now. I'll take the heat. I'm confident now like that.
Hey, "Depressed Writer" -- I see you! I am you? (I'm not you, but boy oh wow does this all resonate with me.)
Here is my pep talk for you: I have been writing a lot the past two years, and none of it has felt quite good enough ("mediocre"). I did a lot of thinking, and realized it was because I was leveling up. I was in that strange beginner space again from that famous Ira Glass quote, where I knew what I wanted to do, but wasn't good enough yet. Might this be the same for you? You've had some success, you know you can write, and now you want to write better things, and it's not quite what's coming out on the page.
Here's what has been working for me: playing around, writing stories I have no intention of sending out. Any of the exercises/constraints George mentioned work, but the key is, go into it thinking, "this isn't going to turn into anything submittable." Sometimes I try to write in the style of someone else. Sometimes I try to write something that is far, far from something I'd normally write, or even in a genre I don't read much. Just to play. Try to write something mediocre on purpose. Write something truly terrible on purpose. Write something that is so ridiculous and nonsensical that it would never, ever get published. (And then, keep writing, keep going, and at some point look back and see if there's some gold in all that play stuff.)
Serendipitously, after finishing in the same day "Lincoln in the Bardo" and the (at least to me) astonishingly well-written Netflix series "Money Heist," I said out loud, "When I read or watch stuff like this, then I look at what I'm writing, I think, What's the point?" And then I remember that I've been thinking that thought for 50 years, and it hasn't helped me, even once, to do better writing.
Thanks for this. Currently bogged down in the middle of the next one, also started some 40 years ago. It doesn't seem to want me to let it go, but my inner critic is rising to the challenge.
For a long while, i wrote a paragraph each morning about a different elderly person in a retirement home. Just a paragraph--it could go any which way. I did these for fun and as an exercise and i ended up writing about 65 of them. I think perhaps I need to return to that mindset--I was simply playing and it was very enjoyable. I did not write them "mediocre on purpose." I wrote them as sweet, tiny pieces. And it will probably never turn into anything, though sometimes I think there's something there. Really appreciated your post here. Playfulness seems to be a huge thread throughout all of the comments here and I'm listening to all of them.
A wonderful process! Isn’t that the source for works such as Our Town and Spoon River Anthology and that of endless numbers of poets - quiet, thoughtful, and steady observation of those around (and within) us. Fascinating stuff!
Yes, that's right. At first, i just wrote about each resident. And then I began to let their stories cross paths. And then I added a couple people who worked at the residence, etc. With some patience, I think it could be an interesting short story--but it needs lots of work for that.
I just rewatched one of my favorite movies, Amadeus. At the end, Salieri rides through the asylum, intoning: "Mediocrities everywhere, I absolve you. I absolve you. I absolve you all."
Of course the movie (and the play it was based on) was a fiction, loosely based on some rivalry between Salieri and Mozart. The fact is that Salieri was hugely successful and influential in his time, though over time he was overshadowed by Mozart's work. The kicker is that Amadeus sparked a renewed interest in Salieri's work.
So, who's a mediocrity, and who's a genius? Absolve yourself! And do your thing.
I'd definitely echo the 'most of us feel mediocre at some point' (or even many points) sentiment. For me, I've managed to see this as a desire to keep improving, which feels a lot healthier.
For me, one of the first signs I might have an affinity for playwriting was the resonance of other people's work. There's clearly something inside me that responds - quite directly, and without being taught to do so - to dramatic writing of real quality. So much so that connecting with such work is often a huge boost to my own levels of inspiration. Not in an imitative sense - really good live music can have the same effect, for example, even if there are no words.
Are you having enough experiences that refill or boost your own levels of inspiration?
I also wonder how long Depressed Writer has been writing. Whilst we may spontaneously recognise real quality in other people's work, one of the first things we recognise in our own work is just how far it is from that standard. We're measuring a gap, rather than the quality of our own writing. It takes a while - perhaps a long while - to significantly close the gap. For me, it's worth the investment of time and effort.
It is also important to remember that we tend to compare our own early efforts to the mature efforts of great writers at their peak. Of course our own work feels relatively weak; how could it not?
When I read about my favourite writers, I often find that they too had writers to look up to. Not only that - many also feel like they haven't reached the standards their own heroes did.
If you've been writing for more than a couple of years, you may well have some more recent work you can compare to your earlier efforts. Something should have improved; if not, are you accessing the right sort of help?
If you're lucky, you might also find sparks of stuff in your earlier work you've lost sight of, and can take inspiration from.
I'd also say it can be important to find non-writing activities that help. This could be any one (or more) of many things - meditation / mindfulness / yoga / tai chi, going for walks, learning to play a musical instrument, etc, etc. There's freedom in doing such things without the aim of attaining a certain standard (in contrast to how it sometimes feels to write).
Thank you, depressed writer. Many people I know (including myself here) can be a bit depressed and anxious, wondering why they bother, or if their work is any good. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful question, a question that helps a lot of Story Clubbers. Such a fabulous answer, too!
My english teacher in high school pulled me aside and said, "remember, the cream rises to the top." Decades later, I realized, boy, that isn't always true in the way she meant it. I love that she said it with such passion, and that she believed it so deeply. I like to think that self-aware people will one day prevail at whatever they're working on––art or whatever, maybe opening a food co-op. I'd like to think that people filled with self-doubt are more interesting, perhaps better guests at a dinner party, more compassionate, kinder. Many of my friends are artists. Not famous artists, not even ones that make gobs of money, but they all (at times) have felt as you do, depressed writer. Don't you think writing has made you a better reader, a better person, a better listener? Just sayin'. Probably saying that to myself, too.
Yep, it's the self-doubters, if not taken to the point of pathology, whose awareness feeds their compassion, making them better in every way. Reading & writing has made me better at each & I hope, as further reward, also a better person.
Hi Depressed Writer, I have totally been you in the past. I often still am. I have a whole shelf behind my desk of books on my subject (transgender non-fiction) that are 'better' than anything I think I could write, but once when I mentioned my fears of being a mediocre writer to a well-published friend, he said 'Remember, you're not writing *the* book on your subject, you're writing *a* book on your subject.' I told myself this every time I worried about being mediocre, and now I have my first book being published next week. Is it as good as Females by Andrea Long Chu? No. Does it have to be? No. It's just a book, and hopefully somebody will read it and get something out of it, and then I'll write another book, and that will be just another book too. I also remind myself of something Ocean Vuong once wrote about comparing a finished book to a photo of a tree. "It’s never done. If I had a chance now with every book I wrote, every page would be a little different. Commas would be moved, words. And I think that’s beautiful, actually. That’s a good thing. It reminds us that the artist and the mind and the poem still grow. The poem is like a tree, and the book is a photograph of the tree. You take a photograph of the tree, but the next day, the tree has new cells. The next year, it has new branches.... So I just make peace with it. I say, Well, maybe I have to take another photo of this tree in another book." Perhaps it might help to say to yourself, "It's just a book. It's just a photo of a tree." That's my inner Depressed Writer mantra, and it seems to work for me.
This resonates with Da Vinci's "A piece of art is never finished, only abandoned." I could keep tweaking a piece forever. (Loved "Night Sky with Exit Wounds.")
Many of my favorite writers could perhaps be described as mediocre. At least in terms of the quality of their prose. ("Which quality??" is a good question I'll step around in the interests of focus and brevity). To list a few to give you a clearer image of my point here: George MacDonald - wretched prose, transcendent imaginings. Isaac Asimov - mountains of output, the prose simple and bland and gobbleable (not a word I don't think) but beloved by millions for his clear, rather one-dimensional yet jewel-bright ideas. Clearly the fantasy and sci-fi genres encompass many, many interesting writers with questionable technique. So I'll haul out my shocker here: Wuthering Heights is not that well written IM(perhaps not so)HO. Yet this Emily Bronte novel is to me, in my personal canon of the greatest novels I've read - perhaps the greatest novel I've read. An avid reader of age 70 with a love of both the classics and the middlebrow ranges of literature, please believe me when I say I've read a lot of lit. In my case, being a musician singer-songwriter multi-instrumental sort, I know my technique is mediocre pretty much across the board. So what? McCartney is just an adequate piano player and a moderately good guitar player. In all works of art, some things carry other things. Art critics can't seem to agree on whether Cezanne was a good draughtsman or not. Either way, he's great, really great. Art is a multi-task sort of composite creation. We all major in some tasks, minor in others. So major in your majors and minor in your minors. Keep on keepin' on!
Oh, I love Wuthering Heights so much! Someone once told me, speaking of all the arts, that while talent is important, the energy of a work is infinitely more so. (Maybe I shouldn’t be amazed that I later married that someone?) Love your post: thank you!!
I have to tell y'all--I'm crying, reading the responses. I've avoided George's Substack for a while now because, well, I feel like my writing is ... mediocre, at best. George's advice is great, and I'm going to try out some of his strategies, but your comments--about writing for joy, to learn and explore, because we're compelled to--have brought me to tears. I don't feel so lonely right now. Thank you, George, and thank you, group!
I love this!! This is exactly why we need each other—so that we don't feel so alone in our terror of mediocrity! Every serious writer I know has been through it. The self-doubt, bouts of imposter syndrome, etc. When I come across a supposed writer who declares, "Writing is easy!" my first thought is usually, "I don't think I want to read anything you've written." Maybe that's not fair, and honestly if there are folks out there who find it easy to produce brilliant work, then more power to them. I've just never known a writer worth his or her salt that ever says that.
I asked a version of this question months ago .. I can't even get a depressed writer question published!
jk ; )
I actually did ask a version of this question though.
The thing with me is, no matter how down I sometimes can feel about writing and about my writing, I always end up going back to it. Therefore I have to conclude that I have little to zero choice in the matter of whether I write or not. What I feel about what I have written is another question.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. That is just par for the course anyway. What I would say to Depressed Writer, in addition to all the lovely things George said, is, give yourself a break. My hunch is that you are better than you think. Depression makes everything look worse than it is. Be gentle and kind to yourself and .. keep writing. You probably have no choice anyway, so it might as well be as pleasurable as possible!
I might as well have asked this question, too. Only I didn't, because I guess I wasn't brave enough. But here's the thing: you are so right, Amanda. We have no choice. We have no choice! Excruciating as it may be much of the time, we just can't help it. It hurts to do it, hurts not to do it. And then, once in a glorious golden moment, it feels transcendent.
Iris Dement has a wonderful song, "Sweet Is the Melody," which has these lines:
"Sweet is the melody, so hard to come by, it's so hard to make every note blend just right. You lay down the hours and leave not one trace, and a tune for the dancing is there in its place."
I think those lines apply to writing equally well. (Songs and stories resonate in similar ways, and listening carefully to music is one of the good ways to get better as a writer.) "leave not one trace" is my favorite part. In writing stories that resonate, we work at it until all traces of "me, the author" are gone. What's left is the story telling itself, in a way that makes a reader feel it can't be told any other way. To do that, you have to "lay down the hours."
Like the maxim of wise travellers... "leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but photographs"... yes, beautiful, these words that Ron has strung together.
Hello all, I'm a poet and new subscriber who is delighted to read my first Story Club re the Depressed Writer. Yes, your mindset can change.
Stage 1 for me was to declare I'm going to write a poem about this horrible thunderstorm, my love for you, blah blah. I have progressed to Stage 2 where I start with my heart, what I feel. Lately that is loneliness, and this has led me to words I have never written before. I love my new writing.
Wonderful post, I really enjoyed it. It does a nice job of building on concepts discussed in this newsletter.
It's funny how many people golf and don't expect to be pro golfers. Yet it seems like everyone who writes wants to be a pro writer. If mediocrity is understood to be average, then yes most people are mediocre. Because that's how averages work! Also being exceptional is no guarantee of success (see: many talented writers with several publications still waiting for their big breakthrough), to be successful requires luck as well. We all want to be exceptional but if were that true than exceptional would just be the new normal.
George's substack has over 80,000 subscribers, we can't all be exceptional pro writers. There simply isn't enough demand for people who pay for books / newsletters / magazines. Embrace mediocrity and accept that writing is a hobby. It's good enough to do something because you enjoy it and think it's good for you. I would guess 90% of writers have a job other than writing because traditional publishing is a slow process and the majority of the revenue is in the first year. It's simply not a good way to make a consistent salary, which is kind of required in the US (if you want healthcare). Let go of your expectations and just enjoy the ride because you're not gonna make any money!
The questioner didn't mention money, or even success, so perhaps earning money from their writing isn't the issue at hand. The issue seems to be an internal one--the feeling that their writing isn't at the same level as the writers they adore and wish to emulate. Wanting to be better at something is a worthy goal, really. For many people, there's no reason to "embrace mediocrity" or to "accept that writing is a hobby." (But both may be true for some people, and that's fine.) For those who take their writing seriously, it's a way of life and a way to derive meaning from the chaos of our world and the plotlessness of our existence.
Yeah good point OP never said anything about money. I wanted to take the opportunity to share my own reflections on this newsletter and its audience. I agree it is an honorable thing to want to improve and produce one's best work. Surely everyone has experienced this feeling of reading something really great and wishing they could be that good.
> Wanting to be better at something is a worthy goal, really.
Agreed
> For many people, there's no reason to "embrace mediocrity" or to "accept that writing is a hobby." For those who take their writing seriously, it's a way of life...
My reading of this is that you are implying that people who write as a hobby are not serious about their writing, which I disagree with.
There is an implied context here to the original question that this person wants to produce their best work to improve their publishing success in order for their work to be read more broadly.
> I've had some (publishing) success
OP is interested in traditional publishing
> I realize this may be as dumb as telling myself I shouldn't learn the piano because I'll never be a concert pianist, so why try?
Analogy to going pro
> when they know they'll never rise to the top?
I interpret this as wanting to achieve conventional success in the sense of being read broadly my many people. Anecdotally, I believe this to be the case for many people who subscribe to this newsletter.
No worries, I did not feel that way at all! I hope my disagreement does not come off as troll-ish. I think comments are a difficult place to convey complex ideas. Surely there is much more I could say on the topic to support my ideas, I think I'll make it into an essay.
They aren't all paid subscribers. So your math isn't correct (though i get your point, and hope that George is earning enough to make him want to continue doing what he's doing!).
Goerge is in the top 1% when it comes to substacks subs and paid subs, so not exactly a representative sample of the outcome you would expect for the average person
Below, in these comments, Milton mentioned a foreword I wrote for "CivilWarLand in Bad Decline." Here is is, for anyone who's interested:
https://www.theparisreview.org/blog/2013/01/07/civilwarland-in-bad-decline-preface/
Thanks so much for this George. I had not seen it. This is written in my favorite voice of yours - the honest, self-reflective voice of someone wise who accepts their failings and their successes with equal grace and who knows that sharing that with others forges connection and makes the world empathetic. I call it your Story Club Voice. I know it is more than that and older than that, but for me, it's SC all the way....
Thanks for this. It brought back my own years as a technical writer during roughly the same era.
I was fresh out of the creative writing M.A. at B.U., and flat broke with a bad back. I took a job at Digital Equipment Corporation in a glass-and-steel building that stood on a hill overlooking a collection of new condos and apartment buildings that had sprung up around it like medieval castle towns. I didn't live in one -- I commuted from Cambridge 41 miles each way on a company van -- because I had convinced myself this was temporary work, just until I got back on my feet. But tech writing so deadened and depressed me that I stayed with it, though not at Digital, for a decade before I achieved escape velocity.
I noticed other writers who were doing what you did, getting their real work done on company time, but I never managed it myself.
I also appreciated your thoughts about literary mountains. Forty years later, I find myself still alternating between trying to climb them and playing in my own dung heap.
I'm sure I read it before, when I read the book, but this time reading it was more meaningful, and made me laugh. Thanks
Hi Depressed (hopefully not for too long) Writer,
I don't know if it will help, but here in my seventies, I think of writing, and other endeavors, as ongoing learning processes. Opportunities to evolve, to learn, to explore. Of course if you are trying to make a living writing, then you are dealing with the marketing aspect, and the opinion of editors, readers, and fellow writers. But apart from that, as a writer, you are creating something that is uniquely yours. It's important. It doesn't need to be graded or judged by the world, and you have endless opportunities to revise, or put in a drawer and create something new again. I find it selfishly exciting to see what comes from my mind and onto the paper (computer). But still, I procrastinate and think I will hate to write. And that I'm not good at it. But then I sit down and do it, and it feels okay and necessary. It also helps to have a snack I enjoy to get me to actually get writing-lol.
I take Tai Chi; learning that form is never a finished thing. It's an ongoing practice. I get better at understanding the form and the body. But when doing it with others, I am thinking, 'I'm better at this than them.' Or 'that person is better at Tai Chi than me.' So I try to get past those thoughts and stick with my own experience. And observe others without judgment. A student once asked "Who does the best Tai Chi?" A teacher answered "The person who gets the most benefit from it."
Right on. I thought this question was such a good pairing with Bobbie Louise Hawkins, who had been so discouraged by her husband, the writer. He told her that she was too old, if she was going to be a writer, she'd be one by now, that he didn't want a wife who wanted to write. But she did it, she wrote, and now I know her name but can't think of his.
Great reference! And one of Hawkins' poems - "in time I'll do what" - went like this:
in time I'll do what
I would do now if
there weren't perfection
to consider
----------------
Which feels apt, because it seems to me that "my work is mediocre" is another way of worrying about perfection.
Great poem! Yes worrying about perfection or producing something great/monumental/groundbreaking!
Hmmm. Not sure if perfection or producing something monumental is the questioner's goal (though wanting to write something "great" seems fair enough). I think their problem is more of an internal one--their writing production isn't matching up with their hopes. They just want to be a better writer and that makes sense to me.
I didn’t mean depressed writer-- just thoughts that cause creative people to freeze up. I’ve been there.
"...I know her name but can't think of his."
What relief, that moment when the sturdy ching of realisation dropped, to get to know that just as she was 'Jo' he was 'Joe'. Phew! What a 'Get Out of Jail Card' to have played right into your hand... or was it your left hand?
Just riffing TNW... often having found myself reflecting on what a sister, Frances, might have been like... as gently loving and giving as my brother Francis or a self-centred hell raising go getter at all costs?
Robert Creely - Kerouac's nemesis - well, aside from alcohol
Well stated.
What a GREAT story^^
I must chime in and say my experience with writing (and I'm in my late sixties) is also one of enjoyment and necessity. I feel compelled to do it. Whether anyone will ever feel compelled to read it or continue reading it once they've started it is a question yet to be answered. As one of my instructors reminded us towards the end of the MFA program I completed last spring-"no one is waiting for your book." It was a cold cup of water thrown in our faces and it was meant to be. I thought at the time, and still do, this is not entirely true. I am waiting for my book or collection of essays or whatever my project will turn out to be. Do I wish to be published to an avalanche of glowing reviews and public readings that generate fulsome applause? Of course I do, who doesn't? But for now I simply try to sit in the chair each day and produce the best set of sentences I can in that moment without thinking too much about what will come of it. So Depressed Writer- you're one up on me- you've been published!! And if you're the president of the Mediocre Writers Club then I'm the back up recording secretary and club historian- and happy to do it.
Instructors can be so blunt!! Lol. Mine said the same! Good luck!
I’ve made a similar discovery--not tai-chi though. I’ve taken up playing the Shakuhachi (Japanese flute) because it takes a lifetime of study and practice to have some command of the music, its said to be one of the most difficult instruments to play, I have no musical background, can’t read Western music scores, can’t read Japanese music scores (though I’m learning as I have no choice in the matter), etc., etc. The whole endeavor is so beyond me in every way and it is a total relief. I can fail at this over and over everyday! I’ve put myself under so much pressure for years with the writing--I must be good, talented, amazing, timely, structured in my routine, on and on and on. But with the Shakuhachi all I have to do is practice for 45 minutes everyday and never be good at it. And there will never be any judgement from anyone. It has such a unique sound that no one on this side of the planet can really tell whether or not the music is being played well (including me!) There are standards met by professionals--true, very true, I mean no disrespect--but for me its like joining the community of Who-ville. Joyful. Innocent. Unique.
I know this sounds a bit strange. I stumbled upon it--I had no plan. I hadn’t put it together that I needed to fail at something big time. But now that I have its intoxicating! My writing life seems like (to me) a long timeline of failure and personal reproach and, and, and, and, etc. Last year I thought I really had to have a win with something or I was going to finally be crushed then pulverized then tossed into the wind along with the sands of time. So really I had no plan to fail at something (and yet failing has been going rather well these last four months).
So anyway I recommend exploring this sort of goal except in some cases like DO NOT decide to learn how to fly a plane with the intention to fail.
And no I haven’t been writing better or more. ‘Befuddled’ is the only word I can use to describe how I approach the writing at this moment--befuddlement and stasis. Its like I’ve completely disrupted serious self plus all the other s/elfs inside. All I can say for sure is that I keep on thinking that I have to write about this! Ha! In the end (or sooner or later) isn’t this what we writers always do? Always the same ‘I have to write about this’ poison/really cool way to be in the world. And I know I will make an attempt to do so and will copy/paste this scrap of thought written here to poke at later (thank you very much for the exploration your question has caused for me.)
You are definitely not alone. You stand amongst the Multitudes (a good sort of people though they tend to shift around with heads down, shoulder to shoulder, in large groups, mumbling).
"I can fail at this over and over everyday!" I love how joyful you make this sound. Of course, failure is on the opposite end from success on the judgment continuum. It would be great if there were no thoughts whatsoever...maybe? I'm someone who judges everything I do, so I'm not sure of what I'm even saying here. But I do love your love affair with what you are calling failure and what I'd call having a lovely time. "All I have to do is practice for 45 minutes everyday and never be good at it"--this cracked me up. The goal, it seems, is to just be in the moment and enjoy yourself. I tell myself every single day to spend my days that way, but i often......fail. Thanks for your post. Loved reading it.
That is so interesting about the Shakuhachi and about continually failing as you actually probably get better at it, and the relief of it all, the failing. I hadn't thought about it in connection with all this until now, but my father, an english professor, wrote a book about Faulkner called "Quest for Failure'. I've never been able to read that particular book of his- others he wrote were more accessible. But now I'm curious about it and why that title and maybe I'll try to read it again.
Sounds like an interesting book. I’ll have to find it to read myself.
Its all new--this failing project. I’m trying to write about it on my Substack. One way I’m doing this is to take a look at a short story I never finished. I’ve already published the bits I did finish writing so my next move is to start exploring the ‘why I didn’t finish.’ So far a lot of false starts as I try to explain it. I’ve been surprised that there is so much there to look at--overwhelming actually. And now that I’ve explored a bit about failure here I think I have a better grasp of how to proceed there (I love story club.)
Of course as I write about the failure I’m giving most of what happens in the story away. Oh well. Yet in the end this exploration may lead to finishing it. Maybe? We’ll see. I’ll figure it out as I go along.
The Mermaid Vanishes (1) (2) https://zenofnotwriting.substack.com
Love this: many thanks!!
Hello Depressed Writer (I’m on the same ((blank)) page) and George.
I apologise for linking to something I made- but I wrote this very short film when I felt like you do now. I’d like to say it changed my life and suddenly everyone realised I was a genius.
It didn’t.
But it might make you feel less alone.
The Stick (The Screenwriter's Revenge)
A screenwriter sets out to write a story so boring it has the power to kill.
https://emmasullivan.co.uk/portfolio/the-stick-the-screenwriters-revenge
Huge thanks to you George for Story Club. It’s the best.
Thank you all for the very kind comments.
*ego explodes, finds herself planning to write an unwatchable 10 hour film called Take That Nolan.
Love that film! I also went on to watch After Tomorrow... strong stuff. Congrats.
You've clearly fought your way through the Mediocrity Doubts more than once. Inspiring.
Thank you!
Brilliant!
That was so funny! And I really liked the visuals too.
Thank you!
☄️
Emma!!!!! I was so depressed over all the things the depressed writer is depressed about, and your film made me laugh and feel better! It's hilarious! Clever! Perfect! You're a fucking genius. Thank you for posting the link.
Thank you!
I loved this! And actually, it's pretty creative genius-esque.
Ha! Thank you.
your short film is perfect! Loved it!
Thank you Mary!
Me too!
Thank you, Depressed Writer, for expressing my Give Up Because What's the Point When You Hate the Whole Idea of Story Not to Mention Novel And You're Too Old To Outwit Those Demons You've Only Ouwitted Once on Not A Novel and Briefly Fell in Love With Yourself Just to Wind Up Back Where You Started. And George, I'm about to read your advice again. Thank you.
Be Snoopy writing on top of the dog house...that dog can race a title off faster than catching a rabbit!^^
When I was in school I had a job in the print shop. My job was to do a survey for Xerox, find out how many copies people were making. But when no one was Xeroxing, I could do other things. One day the print shop lady saw me practicing italic calligraphy, like this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PE3Ph_H6hZI
She must have liked it because, unbeknownst to me, she went to the bookstore and bought herself some ink and a nib holder, but she bought the wrong kind of nib, like this:
https://youtu.be/RSfJ-8LFyYE?t=64
With the tools she had, it was *impossible* for her to make italic letters. And when she asked me what was wrong, I told her, oh, you need a different kind of pen nib. But for however many days she was *trying* to make letters with the wrong nib, she was probably thinking, Wow, I am really bad at this.
So: thanks, George, for giving us a hint about maybe seeing if our mindset or method need a change, and thanks, Depressed Writer, for daring to ask your question, which as you can see, many of us identify with!
Yes. You need the right tools. When I was an artist in residence, teaching in grade schools, I noticed the scissors in the classrooms were so bad, the kids thought they couldn't make anything. I bought a bunch of good scissors and always brought them with me. That solved that problem. The kids made shadow puppets, we wrote the script together, and the kids performed for their parents, and everyone was great.
Joan, I'll bet almost no one knew you spent your own money on those scissors, but it sounds like that really changed the kids' experience from "I'm no good at this" to "Look what I made!"
For years I was an artist. My mother was an artist, and I knew how important the right tools were, so I felt really bad for kids who thought they couldn't make something when it was the tool that was the problem. Just the same as the woman who thought she couldn't write calligraphy because she didn't know it was the wrong nib. So, yes, we need to find the tools and the methods that best suit us.
Also, be kind to yourself.
Love this!
Fellow calligrapher here, Justin, and just want to say I've never used those nibs! It's a rarefied realm of people who even know of these very weirdo implements; I have no idea what realm of humanity uses them. I got lazy and just use Callipens now. I'll take the heat. I'm confident now like that.
Good for you, Traci! Calligraphy is inspiring. Sadly, I have not practiced for many years, but every once in a while I go back to this video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRebkWHsHC0&t=138s
Goodness... why is ink seductive like this? I followed the accounts you linked. Thank you for the meaningful excursion.
Also, your story made me laugh out loud and is a wonderful, memorable analogy.
Hey, "Depressed Writer" -- I see you! I am you? (I'm not you, but boy oh wow does this all resonate with me.)
Here is my pep talk for you: I have been writing a lot the past two years, and none of it has felt quite good enough ("mediocre"). I did a lot of thinking, and realized it was because I was leveling up. I was in that strange beginner space again from that famous Ira Glass quote, where I knew what I wanted to do, but wasn't good enough yet. Might this be the same for you? You've had some success, you know you can write, and now you want to write better things, and it's not quite what's coming out on the page.
Here's what has been working for me: playing around, writing stories I have no intention of sending out. Any of the exercises/constraints George mentioned work, but the key is, go into it thinking, "this isn't going to turn into anything submittable." Sometimes I try to write in the style of someone else. Sometimes I try to write something that is far, far from something I'd normally write, or even in a genre I don't read much. Just to play. Try to write something mediocre on purpose. Write something truly terrible on purpose. Write something that is so ridiculous and nonsensical that it would never, ever get published. (And then, keep writing, keep going, and at some point look back and see if there's some gold in all that play stuff.)
Cheering you on!
A video interpretation of the Ira Glass quote Julie F. refers to:
https://www.thisamericanlife.org/extras/the-gap
Serendipitously, after finishing in the same day "Lincoln in the Bardo" and the (at least to me) astonishingly well-written Netflix series "Money Heist," I said out loud, "When I read or watch stuff like this, then I look at what I'm writing, I think, What's the point?" And then I remember that I've been thinking that thought for 50 years, and it hasn't helped me, even once, to do better writing.
David: You finished your book after 40 years. My money's on you and not that thought!
Thanks for this. Currently bogged down in the middle of the next one, also started some 40 years ago. It doesn't seem to want me to let it go, but my inner critic is rising to the challenge.
This one: https://www.journalofexpressivewriting.com/post/the-inner-critic-returns-from-the-dead
For a long while, i wrote a paragraph each morning about a different elderly person in a retirement home. Just a paragraph--it could go any which way. I did these for fun and as an exercise and i ended up writing about 65 of them. I think perhaps I need to return to that mindset--I was simply playing and it was very enjoyable. I did not write them "mediocre on purpose." I wrote them as sweet, tiny pieces. And it will probably never turn into anything, though sometimes I think there's something there. Really appreciated your post here. Playfulness seems to be a huge thread throughout all of the comments here and I'm listening to all of them.
A wonderful process! Isn’t that the source for works such as Our Town and Spoon River Anthology and that of endless numbers of poets - quiet, thoughtful, and steady observation of those around (and within) us. Fascinating stuff!
Yes, that's right. At first, i just wrote about each resident. And then I began to let their stories cross paths. And then I added a couple people who worked at the residence, etc. With some patience, I think it could be an interesting short story--but it needs lots of work for that.
what an interesting exercise..... choosing one type of character situation and writing it daily... thank you
I just rewatched one of my favorite movies, Amadeus. At the end, Salieri rides through the asylum, intoning: "Mediocrities everywhere, I absolve you. I absolve you. I absolve you all."
Of course the movie (and the play it was based on) was a fiction, loosely based on some rivalry between Salieri and Mozart. The fact is that Salieri was hugely successful and influential in his time, though over time he was overshadowed by Mozart's work. The kicker is that Amadeus sparked a renewed interest in Salieri's work.
So, who's a mediocrity, and who's a genius? Absolve yourself! And do your thing.
Absolve! Absolve!
Yep, pretty much what I said in my post above: who you callin' mediocre?! And definitely absolve yourself!
I LOVE that movie. never gets old. have watched it a million times.
Wonderfully warm and generous advice, as always!
I'd definitely echo the 'most of us feel mediocre at some point' (or even many points) sentiment. For me, I've managed to see this as a desire to keep improving, which feels a lot healthier.
For me, one of the first signs I might have an affinity for playwriting was the resonance of other people's work. There's clearly something inside me that responds - quite directly, and without being taught to do so - to dramatic writing of real quality. So much so that connecting with such work is often a huge boost to my own levels of inspiration. Not in an imitative sense - really good live music can have the same effect, for example, even if there are no words.
Are you having enough experiences that refill or boost your own levels of inspiration?
I also wonder how long Depressed Writer has been writing. Whilst we may spontaneously recognise real quality in other people's work, one of the first things we recognise in our own work is just how far it is from that standard. We're measuring a gap, rather than the quality of our own writing. It takes a while - perhaps a long while - to significantly close the gap. For me, it's worth the investment of time and effort.
It is also important to remember that we tend to compare our own early efforts to the mature efforts of great writers at their peak. Of course our own work feels relatively weak; how could it not?
When I read about my favourite writers, I often find that they too had writers to look up to. Not only that - many also feel like they haven't reached the standards their own heroes did.
If you've been writing for more than a couple of years, you may well have some more recent work you can compare to your earlier efforts. Something should have improved; if not, are you accessing the right sort of help?
If you're lucky, you might also find sparks of stuff in your earlier work you've lost sight of, and can take inspiration from.
I'd also say it can be important to find non-writing activities that help. This could be any one (or more) of many things - meditation / mindfulness / yoga / tai chi, going for walks, learning to play a musical instrument, etc, etc. There's freedom in doing such things without the aim of attaining a certain standard (in contrast to how it sometimes feels to write).
Be kind to yourself. This stuff ain't easy.
Thank you, depressed writer. Many people I know (including myself here) can be a bit depressed and anxious, wondering why they bother, or if their work is any good. Thank you for writing such a thoughtful question, a question that helps a lot of Story Clubbers. Such a fabulous answer, too!
My english teacher in high school pulled me aside and said, "remember, the cream rises to the top." Decades later, I realized, boy, that isn't always true in the way she meant it. I love that she said it with such passion, and that she believed it so deeply. I like to think that self-aware people will one day prevail at whatever they're working on––art or whatever, maybe opening a food co-op. I'd like to think that people filled with self-doubt are more interesting, perhaps better guests at a dinner party, more compassionate, kinder. Many of my friends are artists. Not famous artists, not even ones that make gobs of money, but they all (at times) have felt as you do, depressed writer. Don't you think writing has made you a better reader, a better person, a better listener? Just sayin'. Probably saying that to myself, too.
Yep, it's the self-doubters, if not taken to the point of pathology, whose awareness feeds their compassion, making them better in every way. Reading & writing has made me better at each & I hope, as further reward, also a better person.
Yes!
Hi Depressed Writer, I have totally been you in the past. I often still am. I have a whole shelf behind my desk of books on my subject (transgender non-fiction) that are 'better' than anything I think I could write, but once when I mentioned my fears of being a mediocre writer to a well-published friend, he said 'Remember, you're not writing *the* book on your subject, you're writing *a* book on your subject.' I told myself this every time I worried about being mediocre, and now I have my first book being published next week. Is it as good as Females by Andrea Long Chu? No. Does it have to be? No. It's just a book, and hopefully somebody will read it and get something out of it, and then I'll write another book, and that will be just another book too. I also remind myself of something Ocean Vuong once wrote about comparing a finished book to a photo of a tree. "It’s never done. If I had a chance now with every book I wrote, every page would be a little different. Commas would be moved, words. And I think that’s beautiful, actually. That’s a good thing. It reminds us that the artist and the mind and the poem still grow. The poem is like a tree, and the book is a photograph of the tree. You take a photograph of the tree, but the next day, the tree has new cells. The next year, it has new branches.... So I just make peace with it. I say, Well, maybe I have to take another photo of this tree in another book." Perhaps it might help to say to yourself, "It's just a book. It's just a photo of a tree." That's my inner Depressed Writer mantra, and it seems to work for me.
Congratulations on the new book! I hope you have a fabulous book launch, surrounded by friends and family!
Thank you, Mary
This resonates with Da Vinci's "A piece of art is never finished, only abandoned." I could keep tweaking a piece forever. (Loved "Night Sky with Exit Wounds.")
Love the Ocean Vuong quote - congratulations on publishing!
Many of my favorite writers could perhaps be described as mediocre. At least in terms of the quality of their prose. ("Which quality??" is a good question I'll step around in the interests of focus and brevity). To list a few to give you a clearer image of my point here: George MacDonald - wretched prose, transcendent imaginings. Isaac Asimov - mountains of output, the prose simple and bland and gobbleable (not a word I don't think) but beloved by millions for his clear, rather one-dimensional yet jewel-bright ideas. Clearly the fantasy and sci-fi genres encompass many, many interesting writers with questionable technique. So I'll haul out my shocker here: Wuthering Heights is not that well written IM(perhaps not so)HO. Yet this Emily Bronte novel is to me, in my personal canon of the greatest novels I've read - perhaps the greatest novel I've read. An avid reader of age 70 with a love of both the classics and the middlebrow ranges of literature, please believe me when I say I've read a lot of lit. In my case, being a musician singer-songwriter multi-instrumental sort, I know my technique is mediocre pretty much across the board. So what? McCartney is just an adequate piano player and a moderately good guitar player. In all works of art, some things carry other things. Art critics can't seem to agree on whether Cezanne was a good draughtsman or not. Either way, he's great, really great. Art is a multi-task sort of composite creation. We all major in some tasks, minor in others. So major in your majors and minor in your minors. Keep on keepin' on!
Oh, I love Wuthering Heights so much! Someone once told me, speaking of all the arts, that while talent is important, the energy of a work is infinitely more so. (Maybe I shouldn’t be amazed that I later married that someone?) Love your post: thank you!!
I have to tell y'all--I'm crying, reading the responses. I've avoided George's Substack for a while now because, well, I feel like my writing is ... mediocre, at best. George's advice is great, and I'm going to try out some of his strategies, but your comments--about writing for joy, to learn and explore, because we're compelled to--have brought me to tears. I don't feel so lonely right now. Thank you, George, and thank you, group!
I love this!! This is exactly why we need each other—so that we don't feel so alone in our terror of mediocrity! Every serious writer I know has been through it. The self-doubt, bouts of imposter syndrome, etc. When I come across a supposed writer who declares, "Writing is easy!" my first thought is usually, "I don't think I want to read anything you've written." Maybe that's not fair, and honestly if there are folks out there who find it easy to produce brilliant work, then more power to them. I've just never known a writer worth his or her salt that ever says that.
I'm with you, Alan. This group is really something else.
Agreed!
I asked a version of this question months ago .. I can't even get a depressed writer question published!
jk ; )
I actually did ask a version of this question though.
The thing with me is, no matter how down I sometimes can feel about writing and about my writing, I always end up going back to it. Therefore I have to conclude that I have little to zero choice in the matter of whether I write or not. What I feel about what I have written is another question.
Sometimes I like it, sometimes I don't. That is just par for the course anyway. What I would say to Depressed Writer, in addition to all the lovely things George said, is, give yourself a break. My hunch is that you are better than you think. Depression makes everything look worse than it is. Be gentle and kind to yourself and .. keep writing. You probably have no choice anyway, so it might as well be as pleasurable as possible!
Sorry, Amanda - I must have missed it somehow. Does this cover it, or is there another aspect you'd like me to cover?
I might as well have asked this question, too. Only I didn't, because I guess I wasn't brave enough. But here's the thing: you are so right, Amanda. We have no choice. We have no choice! Excruciating as it may be much of the time, we just can't help it. It hurts to do it, hurts not to do it. And then, once in a glorious golden moment, it feels transcendent.
Yup, exactly! : )
Iris Dement has a wonderful song, "Sweet Is the Melody," which has these lines:
"Sweet is the melody, so hard to come by, it's so hard to make every note blend just right. You lay down the hours and leave not one trace, and a tune for the dancing is there in its place."
I think those lines apply to writing equally well. (Songs and stories resonate in similar ways, and listening carefully to music is one of the good ways to get better as a writer.) "leave not one trace" is my favorite part. In writing stories that resonate, we work at it until all traces of "me, the author" are gone. What's left is the story telling itself, in a way that makes a reader feel it can't be told any other way. To do that, you have to "lay down the hours."
What a beautiful reply.
Like the maxim of wise travellers... "leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but photographs"... yes, beautiful, these words that Ron has strung together.
So good!!!!
Hello all, I'm a poet and new subscriber who is delighted to read my first Story Club re the Depressed Writer. Yes, your mindset can change.
Stage 1 for me was to declare I'm going to write a poem about this horrible thunderstorm, my love for you, blah blah. I have progressed to Stage 2 where I start with my heart, what I feel. Lately that is loneliness, and this has led me to words I have never written before. I love my new writing.
Welcome, Annie, and thanks for being here.
Beautiful, Annie!
Wonderful post, I really enjoyed it. It does a nice job of building on concepts discussed in this newsletter.
It's funny how many people golf and don't expect to be pro golfers. Yet it seems like everyone who writes wants to be a pro writer. If mediocrity is understood to be average, then yes most people are mediocre. Because that's how averages work! Also being exceptional is no guarantee of success (see: many talented writers with several publications still waiting for their big breakthrough), to be successful requires luck as well. We all want to be exceptional but if were that true than exceptional would just be the new normal.
George's substack has over 80,000 subscribers, we can't all be exceptional pro writers. There simply isn't enough demand for people who pay for books / newsletters / magazines. Embrace mediocrity and accept that writing is a hobby. It's good enough to do something because you enjoy it and think it's good for you. I would guess 90% of writers have a job other than writing because traditional publishing is a slow process and the majority of the revenue is in the first year. It's simply not a good way to make a consistent salary, which is kind of required in the US (if you want healthcare). Let go of your expectations and just enjoy the ride because you're not gonna make any money!
The questioner didn't mention money, or even success, so perhaps earning money from their writing isn't the issue at hand. The issue seems to be an internal one--the feeling that their writing isn't at the same level as the writers they adore and wish to emulate. Wanting to be better at something is a worthy goal, really. For many people, there's no reason to "embrace mediocrity" or to "accept that writing is a hobby." (But both may be true for some people, and that's fine.) For those who take their writing seriously, it's a way of life and a way to derive meaning from the chaos of our world and the plotlessness of our existence.
Yeah good point OP never said anything about money. I wanted to take the opportunity to share my own reflections on this newsletter and its audience. I agree it is an honorable thing to want to improve and produce one's best work. Surely everyone has experienced this feeling of reading something really great and wishing they could be that good.
> Wanting to be better at something is a worthy goal, really.
Agreed
> For many people, there's no reason to "embrace mediocrity" or to "accept that writing is a hobby." For those who take their writing seriously, it's a way of life...
My reading of this is that you are implying that people who write as a hobby are not serious about their writing, which I disagree with.
There is an implied context here to the original question that this person wants to produce their best work to improve their publishing success in order for their work to be read more broadly.
> I've had some (publishing) success
OP is interested in traditional publishing
> I realize this may be as dumb as telling myself I shouldn't learn the piano because I'll never be a concert pianist, so why try?
Analogy to going pro
> when they know they'll never rise to the top?
I interpret this as wanting to achieve conventional success in the sense of being read broadly my many people. Anecdotally, I believe this to be the case for many people who subscribe to this newsletter.
I'm glad you shared your reflections. My comment wasn't meant to take away from your valid responses. Apologies if it felt that way.
No worries, I did not feel that way at all! I hope my disagreement does not come off as troll-ish. I think comments are a difficult place to convey complex ideas. Surely there is much more I could say on the topic to support my ideas, I think I'll make it into an essay.
I love story club! Thanks for your comment here.
Or launch a Substack. 80,000 x $50yr = (do the math).
They aren't all paid subscribers. So your math isn't correct (though i get your point, and hope that George is earning enough to make him want to continue doing what he's doing!).
I know they aren't. Just making a point. More than one path to the waterfall.
Gotcha!
Goerge is in the top 1% when it comes to substacks subs and paid subs, so not exactly a representative sample of the outcome you would expect for the average person
Nice work if you can get it.