It's all there in front of you. She's laying out the action one step at a time. He presses down on the wire, then puts his leg through and leans forward. His rifle catches the wire and he pulls on it. The rifle goes off. He turns to see his brother's reaction, but brother had been hit. The ducks react to the sound. (I would have swapped …
It's all there in front of you. She's laying out the action one step at a time. He presses down on the wire, then puts his leg through and leans forward. His rifle catches the wire and he pulls on it. The rifle goes off. He turns to see his brother's reaction, but brother had been hit. The ducks react to the sound. (I would have swapped out the ducks and the brother since the ducks would have reacted immediately, but this is more poetic.)
When you're writing, try to break down an action into logical order. That way, it flows. You don't step into a room then open the door. When you learn to start breaking down actions into the steps of that action, then you'll have a clearer idea of how to compose that part of the scene.
She's also using vivid present-tense verbs. Pressed. Thrust. Leaned. Jerked. Rocked. Pitched. Beat. Vivid verbs convey more feeling.
It's all there in front of you. She's laying out the action one step at a time. He presses down on the wire, then puts his leg through and leans forward. His rifle catches the wire and he pulls on it. The rifle goes off. He turns to see his brother's reaction, but brother had been hit. The ducks react to the sound. (I would have swapped out the ducks and the brother since the ducks would have reacted immediately, but this is more poetic.)
When you're writing, try to break down an action into logical order. That way, it flows. You don't step into a room then open the door. When you learn to start breaking down actions into the steps of that action, then you'll have a clearer idea of how to compose that part of the scene.
She's also using vivid present-tense verbs. Pressed. Thrust. Leaned. Jerked. Rocked. Pitched. Beat. Vivid verbs convey more feeling.
Those pithy Old English verbs do more work than we usually know.