I think if I can ever grasp how anyone could come up with these words in this order I'll have cracked the code of writing. I know that's foolish, but this paragraph is such a perfect representation of the horror of a terrible mistake unfolding that I want to take it apart and understand all of its tiny watch-like mechanisms:
I think if I can ever grasp how anyone could come up with these words in this order I'll have cracked the code of writing. I know that's foolish, but this paragraph is such a perfect representation of the horror of a terrible mistake unfolding that I want to take it apart and understand all of its tiny watch-like mechanisms:
"Arnold pressed down the bottom wire, thrust a leg through and leaned forward to bring the other leg after. His rifle caught on the wire and he jerked at it. The air was rocked by the sound of the shot. Feeling foolish, he lifted his face, baring it to an expected shower of derision from his brother. But Eugie did not turn around. Instead, from his crouching position, he fell to his knees and then pitched forward onto his face. The ducks rose up crying from the lake, cleared the mountain background and beat away northward across the pale sky."
The verbs! pressed, thrust, leaned, caught, jerked, rocked, lifted, baring, turn, crouching, fell, pitched, rose, crying, cleared, beat. HOW DOES SHE DO IT? HOW DID IT TAKE A FOURTH READING FOR ME TO REGISTER ALL OF THIS VIOLENT, EMOTIONAL ACTION IN THIS SEEMINGLY UNDERSTATED PARAGRAPH? Sorry about the caps. And that's just the verbs! I'm just sitting here pressing caps lock and exclamation points. It's so perfect I want to cry.
It's all there in front of you. She's laying out the action one step at a time. He presses down on the wire, then puts his leg through and leans forward. His rifle catches the wire and he pulls on it. The rifle goes off. He turns to see his brother's reaction, but brother had been hit. The ducks react to the sound. (I would have swapped out the ducks and the brother since the ducks would have reacted immediately, but this is more poetic.)
When you're writing, try to break down an action into logical order. That way, it flows. You don't step into a room then open the door. When you learn to start breaking down actions into the steps of that action, then you'll have a clearer idea of how to compose that part of the scene.
She's also using vivid present-tense verbs. Pressed. Thrust. Leaned. Jerked. Rocked. Pitched. Beat. Vivid verbs convey more feeling.
I think if I can ever grasp how anyone could come up with these words in this order I'll have cracked the code of writing. I know that's foolish, but this paragraph is such a perfect representation of the horror of a terrible mistake unfolding that I want to take it apart and understand all of its tiny watch-like mechanisms:
"Arnold pressed down the bottom wire, thrust a leg through and leaned forward to bring the other leg after. His rifle caught on the wire and he jerked at it. The air was rocked by the sound of the shot. Feeling foolish, he lifted his face, baring it to an expected shower of derision from his brother. But Eugie did not turn around. Instead, from his crouching position, he fell to his knees and then pitched forward onto his face. The ducks rose up crying from the lake, cleared the mountain background and beat away northward across the pale sky."
The verbs! pressed, thrust, leaned, caught, jerked, rocked, lifted, baring, turn, crouching, fell, pitched, rose, crying, cleared, beat. HOW DOES SHE DO IT? HOW DID IT TAKE A FOURTH READING FOR ME TO REGISTER ALL OF THIS VIOLENT, EMOTIONAL ACTION IN THIS SEEMINGLY UNDERSTATED PARAGRAPH? Sorry about the caps. And that's just the verbs! I'm just sitting here pressing caps lock and exclamation points. It's so perfect I want to cry.
It's all there in front of you. She's laying out the action one step at a time. He presses down on the wire, then puts his leg through and leans forward. His rifle catches the wire and he pulls on it. The rifle goes off. He turns to see his brother's reaction, but brother had been hit. The ducks react to the sound. (I would have swapped out the ducks and the brother since the ducks would have reacted immediately, but this is more poetic.)
When you're writing, try to break down an action into logical order. That way, it flows. You don't step into a room then open the door. When you learn to start breaking down actions into the steps of that action, then you'll have a clearer idea of how to compose that part of the scene.
She's also using vivid present-tense verbs. Pressed. Thrust. Leaned. Jerked. Rocked. Pitched. Beat. Vivid verbs convey more feeling.
Those pithy Old English verbs do more work than we usually know.
Looks like you’ve cracked it already. Nouns and verbs. And choosing the right ones that convey what you mean to convey. Okay now just…..do that!